Wildflower

I sit here at my computer with tear streaked cheeks as I remember 3yrs ago today. Should of been one of the most exciting and scary days of my life, but instead I lay on my bed, fighting with myself to take breaths as with out her there was no point in breathing.

I cant believe that its been this long already. At times it feels like yesterday that I was rushing around making everything just so for the new bundle of love to come into my home. All the disaprovents and turned up noses are just faded figures now. All I could think about was you, what you would look like, what you would be. I always new that you would be a girl. Just had that feeling. Some times when all is dark and I am alone I close my eyes and remember so clearly the awesome feeling of feeling you move within. A small life so active yet so defencive. How I wish I could go back to those days again. I think to myself would I go through it all again just to have those feelings, to see you, and to hold you even though you were lifeless in my arms. I know not to question God but at times I want to shout out WHY! Why did it happen, why so late along. If she wasnt suppose to make it why couldnt something of gone wrong earlier on when it wouldnt hurt so much. But why is an endless question that is followed with endless assumptions that take you really no where.
Now I sit here the day after your birthday with a cig hanging out of my mouth shaking my head at the amazement of this sudden pain that I feel. I know that you my wildflower are up in heaven having a blast not a clue to what is happening here on earth and I dream for the day when I can see you again and hold you. So to you I light this candle to remember the life and to remember the death. To look upon what has happened rather then what could of become and as hard as it is I am thankful for how things turned out. Through it all it has made me a stronger person, a smarter person and for all that I thank you.
To you Kiera, Salute! Happy Birthday!

Why Good Friends are Like a Good Girdle.....

-They contour my life.

-They come in all different colors, shapes, and sizes.

-They see and choose to hide all my flaws while still loving me.

-They hold all the secrets I dont want ot share with others.

-They make me look better than I really am.

-They keep me together, especially when there are signs of hills and bumps ahead.

-They go with me everwhere and stick closer than a brother.

- Through all my gains and losses, they remain my closest and dearest friend.

-They become my security blanket, especially when I am standing next to a size 2 blonde.

-They boost my confindence.

-They keep me from doing things I shouldnt do, such as overeating. ( come on, ladies. You know that girdle really starts to make its presence known when you've had a few bites too many.)

-They help me put my best forward. (My best being my breasts, now that my buttocks and "pooch" are pushed in.)

-They dont run or split under pressure.

-The best oness ( those made of 80% Spandex or better) are real.

Silvia Di Meglio

Confused

So I just need to vent a little and sort out my thoughts.

I am turning 28 here in a few days and I have never finished any post secondary education. I just made it out of high school grade wise as school and grades were never big for me. After grad I did go to college but I basically waisted 2grand on nothing, I am paying off the student loan still and the only thing I was able to accomplish out of that was a dept load and a low grade point average. I went back to school later on and almost completed my family child care certificate as I thought maybe I would like to continue on and get my ECE, but personal circumstance changed and fate interfered causing me to discontinue what I was doing.

So now 3 years have almost past since then I still dont have a certificate or diploma for anything, but I am happy at my job. I love doing what I do, which is working with people with disabilities. I love the way I feel when I am at work but I dont know if its something I want to do for the rest of my life. I do know that its the field I would like to continue in but at what level?

On June 12th I am suppose to go and chose some classes for the fall towards the social work diploma, and I am finding myself very confused on what to do. In all honesty with the way my hours are at work it is very hard to get classes to match them and I work a 36hr + week so time is a huge factor. I also have been talking to my mom or rather my mom has been talking with me and she feels that I need to clean up my dept before I continue on with education. Now this sort of confuses me as she has always been the one pushing me to do more for myself. How can I do more for myself if I dont further with my education, yet I do see her point with the financial end of it. How am I suppose to afford school right now, which honestly I cant. Car payments and other nasty depts sort of tie up my money.

So I dont know what to do. A few months ago I had decided that I didnt want to go back to school right yet, that I was happy in my career and that I could pick schooling up later on. But then Im looking at my future and I see the possibilities of marriage and family and the reality of going back to school doesnt seem so real then. So this is my dilemma, this is my constant thought in my head and I would like it to go away.

Thanks for the ear. Cheers :)

among the last bloggers

I haven't been the best at posting blogs since facebook, but I try to get one off at least once a week even if nothing too interesting happened just to keep it going. Is anyone else feeling forgotten in the blogging world since facebook came about. Well to all who still blog, I salute you! Keep it up.

I had a pretty mellow holiday. It started May 19th and sadly I am back to work this afternoon. I just feel so relaxed I didnt really realize how much my job took out of me till I got away from it. But now that it is summer the fun begins, I have things that I want to do for myself and I intend to procrastinate on them no longer! K I say that now but.....we will see when it really happens. I am planning a trip to Manning with a friend in June, have a girls weekend for July and holidays again in August so hopefully rest will be had.

Most of my holiday pictures were of the camping trip so I dont really have anything to share. Here are a few from my weekend. Enjoy and keep blogging.

Wild May long weekend

Harrison West

Tent Village

This weekend a bunch of us headed up to Harrison West, for those who aren't sure where it is its up past Weaver and Wolf lake. 4x4 country. I was quite impressed that my little car made it up there without problems. My buddies went up Friday night to get a spot and Dana and I met them Sat morning. I was expecting it to be poring and was so excited to see that the weather wasn't half bad. It did rain some but there were also moment of sun which was so nice.

Jen and her man brought up the quads so we were able to double up and go on small adventures, I got to shoot my first shot gun and 22. Oh yeah, i felt the power. There is something besides the pain of the kickback, that is so amazing about shooting off a high powered toy. It was great, and ya I have a bit of a bruise but it was all worth it. So we played hard all weekend had a blast then today as we were loading up Jen tells Dana that theres this great view that he would love and Jer ( her man) suggests taking the guns again for one last round of fun before heading home. Since there was only two quads and Jen is still learning on hers I voted to stay back and finish up packing the car. Dana jumped on with Jer, shot gun on his back in a case and off they went. When they returned I noticed that their faces weren't as happy as when they left. Everyone looked really solem. Then I noticed the but end of Jer's gun case. There was a huge tear, well it didn't take me long to realize that the tear was not a tear but a huge burn mark and the insides of the shot gun were showing. Now a tad worried I asked what happened. Dana starts to inform me that he wrecked the gun, soon to be interrupted and corrected that it wasn't his fault but just a very unfortunate accident that could of gone really bad. The gun had been hanging near the exhast and the sound of the material melting was put off as quad noises. On the other side of the case was a box of live rounds and a magnum shot, which is a large bullet. That large bullet was facing Dana's back and when they stopped and noticed the damage they also noticed that the bullet had started to heat as well. They figured that another five minutes or so that magnum would of heated and gone off straight through the backs of both Dana and Jer. I was so grateful as well as everyone else that the worse didn't happen. That right there pretty much ended the day and we all packed up the rest of our stuff and headed home.

Us Gals

No I am at home looking at my camping gear telling it to put its self away but it just wont listen. I have managed to get the dishes washed that I didn't do this morning and got half of our fire smelling clothes washed. Ick. I love camping and being out doors but I hate the clean up after words. I wonder if you could hire someone to empty your car, put away your stuff, and cook your dinner for you. Oh well, we shall continue to dream.

I have another camping trip coming up in June and I know that it wont be nearly as exciting but as far as the first camping of the year I must give this one a 4 star rating!

Dane and I after a long day

I sorted through a couple of pictures to share, cant post without pictures.

Feelin the power and hurten my shoulder

Jer's shot gun after the heat got to it

A magnum shot into the water, imagine what that would of done to the two of them?
( By the way Jer does have his gun licence, all legal fun)

A serious moment. lol.

Happy Mothers Day

This is for all you moms, I know its a bit sappy but thats ok, we are women, sappy is what we do.

What Is a Mother?

A mother can be almost any size or any age, but she won't admit to anything over thirty. A mother has soft hands and smells good. A mother likes new dresses, music, a clean house, her children's kisses, an automatic washer and Daddy.
A mother doesn't like having her children sick, muddy feet, temper tantrums, loud noise or bad report cards. A mother can read a thermometer (much to the amazement of Daddy) and like magic, can kiss a hurt away.
A mother can bake good cakes and pies but likes to see her children eat vegetables. A mother can stuff a fat baby into a snowsuit in seconds and can kiss sad little faces and make them smile.
A mother is underpaid, has long hours and gets very little rest. She worries too much about her children but she says she doesn't mind at all.And no matter how old her children are, she still likes to think of them as her little babies.
She is the guardian angel of the family, the queen, the tender hand of love. A mother is the best friend anyone ever had. A mother is love. - Author Unknown

Real Mothers

Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to make it.
Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.
Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.
Real Mothers know that dried playdough doesn't come out of shag carpet.
Real Mothers sometimes ask "why me?" and get their answer when a little voice says, "because I love you best."
Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or years or grade. . . It is marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy to Mother. - Author Unknown.

So sorry

Sorry that I haven't been keeping up my blog. I have been cheating on it with facebook. WHAT you say, I know I respond its horrible. Actually its quite the opposite, I am completely addicted to it. I know I need to come up with juggling system of some sort.

So my weekend wasnt anything to special. Worked Sat evening and Sunday morning. I was invited to go up to Stave again to go quading but it was cancelled due to some moron crashing his quad off a cliff into a stream of rocks and water. Actually he wasn't so much the moron but the guys helping him who thought since he was struggling and panicking to allow the man who fell at least 10ft onto his back to sit up. Yes, first aid kicked in but apparently the one guy who was brains ( shaking my head in disbelief) also had his level 3 first aid. He must of fell asleep during the part that said you do not move some with a back injury, not only were they trying to move him around but they were asking people for pain killers for him. Lets all scream together, NOOOOOOOO. I was so upset at not being heard that I threw them down a wool blanket from my car, as they hadn't wrapped him up in anything either, and sternly told the others standing by not to give him any pain killers and to keep him still till the ambulance arrived. As I walked away with my friends we all shook our heads and discussed all the horrible scenarios that could happen from what we just saw and decided that it would be best to head back to town and just have a BBQ instead and watch the game.

We did this and it was quite nice, Dane had a babysitter for Lex so after the BBQ we went for some good ol dipped cones and sat in the park enjoying the time together. So ya that was my weekend. And sorry I have no pictures to post this time.

Thursday Means only One thing well actually 2 but only one major one!

That's right its Thursday, not only is it the day before Friday, its CTV night! Oh yeah, Greys Anatomy and CSI. I'm more into Greys just because that show rocks and it has mic dreamy. I'm so nutty about it I joined a silly facebook group. Oh yeah I'm nuts!

Plus in the next hour or so my gas is suppose to get turned back on. Yippy! Stupid heads upstairs. I think they forget I am down here in my suite all content and happy, cause last night well actually all day they were beefen about the girl downstairs and how they are paying for her hydro, bla bla bla. Actual I pay a portion of the hydro but I guess its not very much in their minds, oh well, there is 3 of them upstairs and one of me downstairs, who do you think uses more hydro. Oh well, hopefully after today it will be all done and we can just move on to better things like the tv at 8pm. So anyways I am off to make a nice warm pot of tea and be bored some more. Till next time!

On going Saga

My on going saga of no heat continues onto its sixth day. I have spoken with he guys up stairs and have listened intently to their multiple excuses and my landlords have gotten back to me. Apparently the guys girlfriend was going to try and put the bill in her name but because she doesn't live here and has no proof of address they wont allow her to pay the bill. She, the girlfriend seems to think that we can continue like this that its not really a problem. I think she was dropped on her head because no hot water is defiantly a problem not to mention no heat. But the good news on all of this is the landlords have given the guys till Friday to pay what needs to get paid on the bill or else they are gone. Now, heat and hot water are important to me, but them moving..hmmmmm....makes me wonder. Either way I am trying to contain my inner beast and remain a calm women but now I have bronchitis and am home all week,so my growl is turning drastically into a roar.

That's my update. Off to watch a movie in hopes to settle my inner beast. Till another day,

goodnight.

Bad turned good

So I wake up yesterday morning to get ready for work, turn on the shower to let the water warm, gather my stuff, check the water 5 min later and its still cold. A little confused I checked the sink taps in both the bathroom and the kitchen to find that they too are cold. Now frustrated cause all I wanted was a nice warm shower before heading off to work I phone my ever so handy mom and whine to her that I have no hot water and ask for her wise wisdom on what to do. So next thing I am down on my tummy attempting to see if there is a little glowing pilot light which of course there is not. I ask the ever wise mommy what to do next and she says to read the tiny little writing on the side to see how to turn it back on. I saw gas, and decided right there that I wouldn't proceed as I valued my life. By this time I am running late for work so I put on some make up and threw my hair in a hat and headed out the door. On the way to work I phoned my landlords and they say " oh yeah we will come check it out and get it figured out for you." Good news, yes it was. That was till I got home to find that I still didn't have any hot water. Frustration at this point is no longer in my vocabulary. As I was trying to figure out my next step there was a knock on my door. I open it up to find one of the men from upstairs standing there. He tells me that the landlords were by and that there is a bit of a problem. Im thinking no kidding we have no hot water, well he continues to tell me that the gas has been cut off since the bill was too high, my inner self is now close to exploding but I continue to smile and intently listen as he tells me that they were a bit behind and the gas wont get turned on until the amount is payed in full. Did I mention that the amount was $999.99, oh yeah. See, I pay my portion with my rent so the rest is their responsibility so in all reality I shouldn't be without hot water. As he left my inner self exploded in a child like tantrum as I walked back into my house.

I phoned Dana to tell him my bad news and see if I can invade his bathroom. He said yes of course and talked me into going with some friends for some well deserved down time in front of fire. So Lexi went to Grandma and Grandpas and we headed off to Stave Lake where we met our friends with their quad. A few drinks and an awesome ride on the quad and I was happy once again. It was nice to get out and just forget about life. And now all I want is a quad. I 'd never been on one before and for my first one which was last years Yamaha, it was awesome. I think we got to just over 100miles! Yup that sold me. But my friend is getting one as well so next time we will have two to bum around in and we wont have to share. Till next time!

Maxine

Tale of the ice cream cone

Yeah I know its been a bit since I posted anything. Time is tight right now and the weather minus today has been wonderful. On one of those past glorious nights Dana, Lexi and myself went for a stole along the dyke and then stopped at DQ for a treat. Sunny days, warms nights, just calls out ICE CREAM. Lex has never eaten her ice cream from a cone before and it was so cute. Once she figured out that you lick it not eat it and that the sticky running down her hand wasn't so bad, well it was on. She devoured the cone and like all kids did the follow the stream of melted ice cream around the hand and lost her cone but she definitely is hooked now on the cone. Heres some pictures of her sticky glory.

Long awaited Birthday pictures

So I know its been almost a month since Lexi's 2nd birthday party but at least Im posting them now. Her party went surprisingly well. We did a princess theme party with all the famous Disney princess. Since most of the kids were under 3 we didnt do any crafts but they managed to entertain themselves rather well. There was 6 kids in total including Lex ranging from 8 months to 6yrs. Everyone got along really well and Lex loved her presents. This little girl got spoiled. The hit gift was this portable ball room. It folds up really small and has 75 balls in it. ( Aunty Jodie you rock). This was my first kid party indoors and at first I must admit I was a bit scared. The thought of 6 little people running around like loose monkeys throughout my small basement suite sent a few chills down my spine. But the parents were all very helpful and the kids kept the food in the kitchen. Thats right. At clean up time there wasnt any juice found on my couch or cake smashed into the floorboards. I was flabbergasted! So needless to say I got all worried for nothing. So here are a few pictures of the fun.

Ball Room of Fun

Spoiled Princess

Lexi's cousin and her future hunk

Thats all for now I had others but you get to see some. So Danna now you can stop pestering me. lol

HAPPY EASTER!

Every one have a wonderful weekend remembering the true reason why we are celebrating Easter and while doing that indulge in as much chocolate as you possibly can. See you all Monday!

HELP! Please.

Hi all. I have a huge question to all my lady bloggers and male ones too if you have anything to add please do. A friend of mine just begged me to help her well more like organize her sisters bridal shower. I have never done one of these before. Baby showers, birthdays I have done and succeeded in but this is out of my league. I have already watched the Wedding planner for research but no help there great for planning on stealing the groom but that's about it. Anyways suggestion on games, prizes and fun food to serve would be greatly appreciated. Thank you so much for all the input.

long lost blogger

I know some of you ( Danna) are waiting on birthday and holiday updates. Im sorry its taken me so long to get them posted. I have just been really busy and then my computer and I are having some issues and it doesnt always want to co operate with me like when I wrote my whole birthday experience and then it froze and lost it all. Stupid stupid machine. So soon when I have time to sit I will do so. till then it was good and relaxing.

how to make an ass of ones self ( parden the french)

I was in London drugs with Dana and Lex Wed night and was walking around anyways Dana was being his usual charming pain in the butt self and I thought I deserved a chocolate bar for putting up with it. So as Im lunging back towards the counter with my prized mars bar I slipped with my ever so slippery flip flops and found my self hung up around a blue basket and a puddle of embarrassment on the floor. Before I knew it I was back on my feet trying to save face while the cashier had a look of horror and Dana looked amused yet concerned and Lexi says " uh oh fell down." Ugg. So Helpful. I did a quick look around to make sure no one saw my little oops and told everyone I was fine. I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks and at that point was about ready to say anything just so that we could leave. I re announced that I was fine and that they should put the baskets away. The cashier still quite concerned asked for the basket of terror and put it in its rightful place. On the way back to the car, Dana asked how I was really feeling and in a defeated voice I wined, " I just want to go home." He gave me an encouraging pat and said sure and with a side look added, " you didn't trip over the basket you slipped in your flip flops," I gave him a quick glare as to warn him he would be dead if I heard the words " I told you so come from his mouth". He gave me a sideways grin and drove us home.

No a few days later I have the most tender left side and a beautiful 3 inch bruise on the underside of my arm. I m so glad that its not summer cause I can hide it underneath my hoodie along with my pride.

What we have to look forward too

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks."Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?""Sure.""Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks."No, I can remember it.""Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.""I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.She stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast?"

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?""No," he replied, "Arthritis."

Look for the baby in the tree

Where does the time go?

Today my boyfriends baby turns 2. Lexi's not much of a baby anymore. Its just hard to believe how fast the time goes by and what a ride for the 3 of us. My boyfriend found out that his ex was pregnant after we started dating but was unsure if he was the father or not. The mother waited till she was 7 months along to inform him that he was the daddy and at that time even I sort of doubted that he was. But the night that we got the call that she was in labour forever changed his life and mine. The moment he layed eyes on her all doubt went away and the questions no longer mattered. That poor little girl had such a tough start out to life and since she has been fully settled with him since she was 6months old she has just blossomed into a bright little girl.

Not even a month before her birthday he went to court and received full custody of her with no visitations from the mother who hasn't been heard from in over a year. (She had open right to come out but she has chosen to walk away, which in this case is a good thing for Lexi) I am filled with so much pride for the two of them especially him. A young man filled with uncertainty took on a job that he could of easily walked away from. Through the toughness of being a single father they have an amazing bond. So to you Lex, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I luv my job.....Really.

For those who don't know I work in a group home supporting women with disabilities. For the most part my ladies are gems on occasion they are not. Yesterday I get to work, Im doing an afternoon shift and I am pretty tired but ready for an eventful evening as it was planned for most of the ladies to go to Jailhouse Rocks ( an Elvis tribute with the star Elvis Frisky) I was a lucky one and did not have to attend this concert ( yippee I screamed to myself as I am not an Elvis fan) but I had made arrangements for the one lady who wasnt going to come to my place since she has been asking and asking since I moved in a few months ago. So everything was a go. All we had to do was eat dinner and head on out.

If only if only. Well my lamb of a lady( not the one coming with me) who has yet to strike out at me in anger she usually does so on her roommates, had a moment of pure madness last night. And lunged at me. And sent me flinging backwards into the wall. I was sitting on the computer chair with wheels but still the force that came from this tiny lady. Who new! I tell you I love my job, its very rewarding and rairly do you as a staff have an unusual occurrence but me cause I am the regular afternoon staff and am there pretty much every day tend to get the blunt of peoples frustrations only because they love me and I am the one they trust. Messed up I know. But now today I am sore. I believe I may have whipblash from it. Ugg such a pain in the butt I tell you.

But whatever. Today is a new day and all will be forgotten and forgiven till the next outburst.

OOPs

I apologize for the confusion. I first made a blog in a huge hurry as I was running out the door for dinner so I signed off and forgot to write down the blog information so in my frustration I created a new blog but hadnt gotten around to deleting the first one. Thanks for those who checked out that one. Didnt intend to confuse......But all is good now and its down to just one. My attempts to post things are slow and seem to be using this as my wind down time after work. The only problem is I get home around 1130pm so my clarity isnt all there but I will soon add links, pictures whatever else pops up.

But I should make this short as I have the craziest weekend and week. I have a huge party to plan for one of the ladies I support plus my boyfriend has a little girl who is turning two and I am doing her party as well all princes theme so exciting yet stressfull. (yeah he's a single daddy, but that is a whole different story which I will try to get to one day....maybe) Then when that is all done my mom and I are heading to the Sunshine Coast to get away for a few days to a nice little resort, should be a blast. I ve never stayed in a posh place like this one before so Im quite excited.

Oh and before I bid good night I just want to say its nice to hear from all the old VCS clan. Its neat to see where everyone has ended up. It was such a small school and everyone knew everyone at least in the beginning before it expanded.

Good night or is it good morning now? which ever it is have a good one.

Chocolate Season rocks

I will be the first to admit this blogging thing isnt so bad. Thankyou Danna for guiding me into the light. So I get to work today ( For those who dont know I work in a group home) and find out that I get to train someone new which is awesome but we get to go to a memorial service to boot. I have never gone to a funeral for someone I didnt know before. It was a really strange feeling like I was a funeral crasher. I know I was there to support my women but it just felt odd and the strangest part was by the end I felt like I knew the person who had passed away, I even shed a tear for someone I didnt know. Such a suck I am.

When I get this all figured out I will try and post some pictures. Danna it is payback for some of those grade 7 pictures youre suppose to through those away not post them for everyone to see. My dear friend you will get yours.....heehee.

I cant believe I have a blog

So this is my first blog entry. Yes I have crossed over the the dark side of blogging. Who would of thought that I would blog. I recently had coffee with a good friend who convinced me that blogs really weren't all that bad. They had a purpose. They are an outlet for creativity, a small latter for lost friendships and simply a gossipers heaven. Chances to peak into strangers lives and stepping stones to making great friendships. Because of all that incite I have now created my own blog. We shall see how long I can carry on with this saga but who knows maybe I will eventually catch on. I shall let my creativity flow and entertain the masses who read my entries and I will ponder life and vent out frustrations and eagerly await feedback or I will simply forget I have a blog and carry on as I did before.