Wildflower

I sit here at my computer with tear streaked cheeks as I remember 3yrs ago today. Should of been one of the most exciting and scary days of my life, but instead I lay on my bed, fighting with myself to take breaths as with out her there was no point in breathing.

I cant believe that its been this long already. At times it feels like yesterday that I was rushing around making everything just so for the new bundle of love to come into my home. All the disaprovents and turned up noses are just faded figures now. All I could think about was you, what you would look like, what you would be. I always new that you would be a girl. Just had that feeling. Some times when all is dark and I am alone I close my eyes and remember so clearly the awesome feeling of feeling you move within. A small life so active yet so defencive. How I wish I could go back to those days again. I think to myself would I go through it all again just to have those feelings, to see you, and to hold you even though you were lifeless in my arms. I know not to question God but at times I want to shout out WHY! Why did it happen, why so late along. If she wasnt suppose to make it why couldnt something of gone wrong earlier on when it wouldnt hurt so much. But why is an endless question that is followed with endless assumptions that take you really no where.
Now I sit here the day after your birthday with a cig hanging out of my mouth shaking my head at the amazement of this sudden pain that I feel. I know that you my wildflower are up in heaven having a blast not a clue to what is happening here on earth and I dream for the day when I can see you again and hold you. So to you I light this candle to remember the life and to remember the death. To look upon what has happened rather then what could of become and as hard as it is I am thankful for how things turned out. Through it all it has made me a stronger person, a smarter person and for all that I thank you.
To you Kiera, Salute! Happy Birthday!